Monday, September 5, 2011

Whittling Down

I often wonder what our lives would be like of none of these things had happened to us.  My sisters are doing things in their kitchens with their children, canning and preserving food, etc.  I could try to do that, but it isn't something Naomi could participate in and enjoy like my nieces and nephews can.  So for me to do it, I'd either have to ignore her for hours at a time, which is unacceptable and does not meet my standards, or use the little free time I have while she naps or is with Joanna.   My free time is precious to me, as it is to all parents of young children, but especially so because it is also my only chance to regroup and refresh myself to get back to meeting all of Naomi's needs.  So I prefer to use my free time to either vegetate, if it has been a bad couple of days, or do what I really, really, really love, which is sew.  See, I really can't do anything while she is awake.  I can take maybe 10 minutes here or there, but that is about as long as she can go without needing something from me.  Her needs are incessant.  She truly can not do anything for herself.  But canning and such takes hours of time and I just don't have that.  Even if I did try to do it while she napped, what would I do if I wasn't done when she woke up?  So I am not even going to try.  There is a lot one has to give up to live a life like this one.  I have found myself whittling down my interests and activities to only those most loved and essential, and least likely to cause me stress, hurt and heartache.  It may be a rich life in someways, but it is a narrow one in so many others.  And when it gets right down to it, I'd rather have spent the day in mundane attendance to her needs and entertainment, than not have spent the day with her at all.  I love home made food as much as the next person, but I love Naomi more.  At the end of their lives, people don't say things like 'I wish I'd have spent more time cleaning my house' and the like.  No, they say they wish they'd spent more time with their families and doing the things they truly loved.  So, yes, I have been whittled down to a sliver of my former self, but that sliver is the best part.  And when it comes right down to it, that, and store bought canned goods, are good enough for me.  Because in the end, to paraphrase the Pauline Harris character in PBS's Anne of Avonlea miniseries, Naomi needs me, and it's good to be needed.  

Here is a picture of Naomi in her new Pony walker we are trying out.  She has not tried to take any steps in it, but at least she does not hate it like she does her Rifton Pacer walker.   I love her Pony, I think because it looks like a ride on toy, which is something we have never gotten to enjoy with Naomi.  I hope she learns to use it, but even if she doesn't, I am enjoying seeing her in it.   

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